Goodbye Toxic Person
I had a vanilla friend; we met while he was the driver of the bus I take to work. He was extroverted and chatty, something which I am not. When we were acquaintances, the conversations were light and fluffy. As we got to know each other, I noticed a change in his demeanor. I found him to be rather judgmental of other people and made presumptions based on what he saw.
Recently I told him about my submissive nature and he got all FSoG and asked why I liked being beaten, if I suffered from low-self esteem, etc. He thinks it's an excuse for women to have their hands all over men but the minute men touch women, men get in trouble. I tried to explain to him about protocols in service-oriented relationships, but he kept going back to his experiences in vanilla nightclubs.
When I showed him the results of a Shibari class I took, he stated it was just another excuse to blame a male for unwanted sex or touching because I'd be restrained.
Around this time each year, I knit beanies as a Lenten ritual. Though I haven't set foot in a church in decades, the service-oriented submissive in me finds comfort in the rituals. I have a friend who attends a church, and she ensures my beanies get distributed to the homeless via a program at her church.
My now ex-friend went ballistic when I told him about my beanies, said churches are a bunch of molesters and my beanie project was stupid and I associate with molesters.
I can understand the majority of the negative opinions regarding organized religion, but to personally come after me because another friend attends a church is crossing the line.
For almost a year now, when we communicate, he has been abrasive, and accusatory. Today I told him so. He called me a clueless Asian. I told him to never contact me again.
I'm still processing the hurtful emotions he has evoked. I'm also saddened that another friendship has gone the wayside.
Best to say farewell to toxic people.
ReplyDeleteYes, to those that I can. Some I just have to endure (aka parent)
DeleteWow, I know it's tough, but sometimes it can be best to walk away from toxic people.
ReplyDeleteI keep this saying in my mind: People are brought into our lives to teach us a lesson. And if I get rid of them too soon, eventually someone else will take their place. So some toxic people are in my life for a bit, because I worry that if I cut them out, someone worse will take their place.
DeleteI hadn't heard that before, but I'm going to have to give it some thought. Thanks for giving me something to chew on a bit.
DeleteToxic people suck the life out of us non-toxic people. I hope you know who I am.
ReplyDelete'Tis Robin of the Hood, 'tis not?
DeleteYes milady. I rob the rich and give to the poor while starring in porn films as a sideline!
DeleteIt sounds like he's absorbed some incel thinking. And as someone who knits a little for charity, I would have also felt very hurt if someone criticized me for that, no matter what the reason. I see this was a couple of months ago so I hope you've been able to process and heal from having him treat you that way.
ReplyDeleteHe is a bus driver who drove the bus I took for work. And since I retired, and then the pandemic happened, I don't have to take public transportation anywhere. I put him in the category of, "typical superficial Los Angelino," and then filed his existence in the circular file.
DeleteIt always troubles me when individuals only can see their own perspective. In the past I've dug into those conversations and tried to debate them or at the very least share a different perspective but I've found that my efforts fall on deaf ears, and I get bothered by the single=mindedness of the individual. The only thing is serves is to publicly put a different voice out there. It's disappointing that this person attacked you .. you'd think you'd have deserved more respect after being on-line rapporteurs for so long.
ReplyDeleteRarely does anyone consider "the others" when they behave. Such is the times.
ReplyDelete